Hi,

I’m Streaker – some people call me the hundred-mile-an-hour dog, but they only have two legs. Anyway, every month I’m going to tell you what I’ve been doing seeing as I am the fastest dog in the world!

Streaker

February

So far in 2010 I’ve mostly been trying to put lots of clothes over my cold paws and nose while people aren’t looking. The snow is too cold! I like a bit of snow, but what on earth is going on!

It’s been hard, especially without thumbs.

I got a hat from the hall cupboard while Trevor’s mum was on the phone. Then I found some rugby socks in the wash and managed to get them on my back paws (not without a lot of rolling about on my back, either). My doggy toes were feeling much better, but I couldn’t get across the slippery kitchen floor with them on, so I took them off and put them both on my tail.

I checked both ways and ran into the living room, grabbing the blanket off the sofa on my way. After that it was just a quick dash to Trevor’s room to get a t-shirt and I was covered!

I lay down on the blanket and was just getting nice and warm when I was rudely awakened by someone who thought I was a pile of washing. How rude!

January

WOOOF! Happy New Year again everyone!

This year has been roughly two minutes long, or that’s now it feels. This time last year I was making lots of resolutions. This was my list:

• Stay out of trouble (… hahahah, that didn’t work AT ALL)

• Go faster than I ever have before (I can think of a few times I’ve done that, but surely I could just keep this on this year’s list and try doing it more?)

• Eat less food that’s not meant for me ( . . . ummmm. That didn’t work either)

So really, I’ve gone incredibly fast (did I tell you about the time I ran full pelt up and down a train that was going over 120 mph, so I was going EVEN FASTER THAN THAT?!), I’ve got into a lot of trouble and eaten pretty much the whole world (good: toast, dandelions, lemonade; bad: cushions, doorknobs, anchovy pizza). So it’s been a crazy year. Can’t wait to see what adventures are waiting for me in 2010 . . .

December

I really don’t know how to begin this month. Sometimes nothing happens at all, and I sneak onto the computer to post a blog and there’s nothing but dinners and normal, boring walkies to talk about.

Last week I stepped on a broken bottle in the park. Ouch! I was going at a hundred miles an hour and decided to do two circles around a very promising-looking bin, but someone had dropped a bottle and I stepped right on it. I howled so loudly! I think everyone in the park looked at me.

I went to the vet, very bravely, with my nose and my tail held high, but they were very nice really. The table was very slippery and white, but once I’d rolled off it a few times they managed to take a look at my paw. There was a small cut and it was very sore, so they put a bandage around it for me.

I was very sorry for myself when I got home, but there was no time to stand around on three legs because we’ve got new neighbours who came over with their BABY. This baby was like no other baby I’ve ever met, she took one look at me and came running – she’s the hundred mile an hour baby! She had my whole left ear in her funny, dribbly mouth before I could get out of the way! She almost dribbled it right off.

THEN there were even more people in the house, as it turns out we were supposed to be having a family portrait for a Christmas present for someone (I couldn’t hear much, there was a baby on my ear). So three people from the photography place came with lights and special chairs and things and set up the picture in the front room. I have to say, I don’t want to see it! My ear was wet and bedraggled and my poor paw was in bandages. Rubbish!

At least I got an extra big helping of dinner that night and I was allowed to sit on the sofa and watch TV with everyone. That was nice. After all the excitement, I think I might have to sleep through Christmas . . .

November

I WON THE DOG SHOW.

Um. I mean, I got the trophy.

Well, I ran through some bunting and the trophy got caught up in it and I dragged it home and now it’s in my basket.

That’s the same as winning, right?

 

October

I have to be quick this month. I got a bit overexcited in a pile of leaves in the garden and my computer privileges have been taken away (I thought the leaves made quite a nice addition to the living room carpet, laundry basket and larder, but apparently they smell and are dirty!!). Even after all this practice it’s still pretty difficult to type fast with my nose, especially with the lights off in the middle of the night. Woof!

The only other piece of news is that I am going to enter a Dog Show. Don’t tell Trevor! I’ll let you know how I get on next time . . .

 

July

I went on a brilliant trip this month. I think I probably went as far as Scotland and back. (Apparently, Scotland is a long way to go when you need the toilet and have finished your only book and counted all the sheep you can possibly count, or that’s what Trevor says.)

We all got in the car, which is pretty exciting to start with, and we drove to the beach. Have you ever been anywhere like it? Incredible! I got out of the car and tore off up the sand to look for the end of it, but it just kept going and going and going! I could hear Trevor calling me, so I turned round and ran all the way back, but before I could even stop I’d gone right past the whole family. It’s just so easy to keep running when there are no garden fences or walls to stop you.

There weren’t even many people. We figured out why about five minutes after we got there: it started pouring with rain! Everyone sighed and got back in the car, but they couldn’t see any harm in letting me run up and down, because I’m not worried about getting wet and mucky in the sand. I was in and out of the water, swimming, splashing and having a grand old time! There was a man with a doughnut stall who decided to give up and go home because there were no people there to eat them, and he gave me the last of his doughnuts. Wow, seaside doughnuts are brilliant – piping hot and covered in sugar!

I think I must have run about fifty million miles before the thunder and lightning started. The whole sky lit up like a white sheet and there was a terrible rumbling, so we decided that was probably enough for one day. They put down lots and lots of towels in the boot and I curled up and got lovely and warm all the way home. When I fell asleep . . . I dreamt of running!

June

Do you know how hungry I am? The answer is: INCREDI-MASSIVELY.

When it gets this bad, I try and sit down and think of a list of the most horrible foods in the world until someone comes along and feeds me (this is particularly useful because it stops me going into a Food Frenzy and trying to eat things in the fridge, which is apparently a Bad Idea, though it usually works out alright for me).

Here is the list I’m working on at the moment:

Sprouts
Christmas crackers (ever had one go off in your ear while you chew on it? Not fun!)
Fruit salad (I spilled a whole one on my head once and was chased by a million wasps)
Pickled onions (they stink!)
Rice pudding
Tapioca
Semolina (all of those things are basically the same: nasty lumpy goo!)
Slippers (they also stink)
Tomato soup (messy)
Crisps (the flavours get right up my nose, and the packets get stuck on my nose)

Oh, my stomach is rumbling anyway. It’s no use: there are leftover sausages in that fridge. I’m going in. Woooof!

May

I know I’m always having adventures, but this month was a CORKER. Woof!

I was looking out of the kitchen window on a particularly hot and sunny day (waiting for someone to start making lunch so I could see about a sniff in the fridge) when I swear I saw a giant bee go by, behind the garden fence. Huge. I don’t just mean a big bee, like you might see in the playground or hovering over a flower, this bee was about the size of a sofa cushion, and it made the oddest noise. Amazing! Black and yellow and moving really fast, for a bee.

I had to investigate.

I slipped out the bathroom window – a clever trick, because it’s always open or the room gets damp – and down the side of the house to the path behind the garden fence: just in time to see the bee disappear behind a hedge. I couldn’t believe how quickly it was going! A pretender to my throne of being the Fastest Thing on the Street!

I galloped after it, fully prepared to give it a piece of my mind, when I saw it turning and coming back my way. Oh no! I realised at that very moment that I’m actually not very keen on bees and would rather not be chased by one the size of a backpack.

I turned tail and ran back to the house, jumped up the wall and back in through the bathroom window before you could blink (Mum was washing her hands and practically screamed the house down), and then into the living room and under the sofa – with my tail firmly between my legs.

I was minding my own business under there when Trevor came home. Wheeling his bike. Wearing a brand-new black and yellow striped jumper tied around his neck where it might perhaps have flapped about in the wind above his head, if he were pedalling fast enough.

Oops . . . WOOF! At least there are no mega-bees in the neighbourhood!

April

I’m running about with my tongue hanging out today and no mistake. It. Is. So. Hot! I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. Or whether the weather is coming or going. Is it raining? Is it snowing? Crikey. I think I’m a bit sun touched. Imagine what it’s going to be like in summer!!

I had a great time on April Fool’s Day. I thought about it for ages beforehand. What could I do that would really fool people? Really, it was obvious. I got up very slowly. I went downstairs very slowly. I ate my breakfast v e r y slowly. So slowly that everyone else paused halfway through their cereal and toast and fruit to look at me. M u n c h, I went. G u l p. It was agony not to wolf it down! But then Trevor dropped his spoon and got chocolate milk all over himself. Result! Unfortunately, everyone thought I was ill and put thermometers in my ear and banished me to my basket, so it backfired a bit. Still, I fooled them though!

This weekend we tried to have a barbecue. I’m not sure the people understand about this kind of weather. It’s never around for long. When we lit the barbecue it was baking hot (I was watching all this from inside, hoping against hope I’d get a sausage or two out of it), but pretty soon the clouds went over the sun and everyone gathered around it for warmth. We finished the sausages in the oven and watched a DVD together instead. Much more like it!

March

Crikey, I had such a snow adventure the other week. It was unbelievable! I only popped outside to take care of some personal business (they REALLY don’t like me doing that in the house) and the door closed after me . . .

So there I was in about a THOUSAND metres of snow. I could hardly see because the flakes were coming down so fast. I bumped into a tree and the branch over my head shook, shivered and then DUMPED a load of snow right on me! I was soaked!

I tried to run it off, but the snow was so thick and heavy that my head got stuck and pretty soon I was nosing around UNDER the blanket of snow. Brrrrrrroof. I turned around in circles, looking for the house, with snow up my nose and on my eyelashes. I figured that I needed to take drastic action, so I gathered up all of my strength and BOUNDED into the air, only to find that I’d made it into next-door’s garden!!

I have no idea how I managed that one. Still, I leapt over the fence at full gallop and made a really impressive Streaker-shaped hole in the snow. I needed a good shake off in front of the fire after that!

But now it’s March, hooray! It’s going to be a good month, I can feel it in my doggy bones. I was getting up on the counter to have a look for lunch yesterday and there was a caterpillar on a leaf right outside the window. I put my nose on the glass and had a look at him. He was MUNCHING that leaf. I took it as an excellent example and munched myself a hefty portion of leftover dinner.

February

I’m not sure what I think about the weather.

Or about February.

Is it still winter? I suppose it must be. But the sun is shining so brightly!

And then, if I go outside, the frost almost bites my nose clean off! I tried to do a few laps in the garden yesterday and I got my legs tangled up on a patch of ice, skidded for about five metres and went straight into the pond… but it was so frozen I just slipped about on top like a cherry rolling about on a cake! Mmm. Cake.

Anyway.

It’s madness. I licked the window to see how cold it was and my tongue got stuck. I’m thinking about nosing out as many pairs of socks as I can find to warm my paws and ears. I thought there was someone at the front door so I started up on the HELLO! HELLO! barking lark and ran up to sniff them out only to get a gust of icy wind RIGHT up my nose! Achoo!

WOOF. It’s a puzzle, I tell you. I’m looking forward to March. There’ll be rabbits to chase and the promise of hot cross buns . . . yum!

I’m sure Trevor’s socks are the right size for my ears. I’m going to go and investigate. WOOF!!

January

WOOOF! Happy New Year!

I’m not sure how it works for dogs. I think in dog time I should be wishing you Happy New Year once a month or so. But anyway, Trevor stayed up late and we had bubbly wine that went everywhere when Dad popped the cork and fireworks again (I am SO glad that firework season is over), so that MUST mean that it’s 2009!

For Christmas I ended up forgetting what I asked for and getting a slap-up dog’s dinner with a special doggy doughnut at the end. Who could ask for more??

Trevor got me a reinforced lead. It’s got a triple stitched handle and TWO clips to keep it on my collar. I can’t wait to try it out!

Last year I had so many adventures, I barely knew if I was coming or going. (But whether I was coming or going or not, I was doing it FAST – you can be sure of that!) So, my new year’s resolutions?

• Stay out of trouble (… hahahah, I can try!)
• Go faster than I ever have before
• Eat less food that’s not meant for me

I think that’s enough for one dog, don’t you?

HOLD ON A SECOND

It’s SNOWING!!

AMAZING! I’m off!

Bye!

December

W-
W—
OO- OO- OO-
F!
BRR!

It’s so cold I can hardly bark!

It’s been such a fun year, though, and I can hardly believe it’s almost over. December already! Isn’t it funny how time seems to move Streaker-fast sometimes, but when you’re waiting for something exciting it can take Trevor-forever?

Talking of Trevor Time, I don’t know about you but if I had a dog like me I’d get some ice-skates and get pulled to school on the icy days! Imagine that, you could spend an extra half an hour in bed and then you wouldn’t even have to walk to school, just stand in one place and let the Streaker power take you right to the classroom. Trevor didn’t quite understand what I was trying to tell him when I did my best ice skating mime. I’m not complaining though – he thought I wanted a biscuit! (He complained a tiny little bit when I stepped up the mime to a full-scale demonstration down the icy garden path. The front gate complained a bit too. WOOF!)

And now it’s getting on for Christmas. I think I might ask for a woolly suit, maybe with a lightning bolt down the side. Help me keep warm AND look cool. Or maybe some super grippy Streaker running boots? I’m not sure if they come in dog sizes. Certainly not for one-of-a-kind type dogs like me; I would probably wear them out ever so quickly. Really, I’d be happy with a biscuit and a nice warm fire on Christmas day. It’s really nice to have the simple things! And, er, I have a bit of trouble with laces!!

See you all in the new year, Streaker-fans! WOOOOF!

November

Well after all the excitement of Halloween (I didn’t get to go as a Hot Dog in the end, they just put a pumpkin out in front of the house and let me chase it around. It was pretty quick for a vegetable – every time I got close enough to catch it, it bounced away! WOOF!!), it’s time for me to hang out inside.

See, bonfire night gives me the collywobbles. I think it was in my puppyhood, before I learnt about rockets, sparklers and roman candles, when I gave Trevor the slip and got a bit too close to a catherine wheel. Cor! It went right off, all spinning around! I thought I was going mad from all the lights and colours! I don’t mind telling you, I spent a few weeks hiding under the kitchen table with my tail between my legs after that one.

So this month I’m keeping my profile low and seeing what kind of treats I can find in the house. Remember to keep your cats and dogs inside on bonfire night too! And maybe give them a special treat, because even the bravest, fastest, Streakerest dogs don’t like fireworks (especially ones that go BANG, or EEEEEEEEE-FIZZ).

I’m thinking there MUST be some funsize chocolates left over from Halloween, so I’m going to sniff them out, in double-quick time, and then lie down to watch one of my favourite films. Maybe Flash Gordon, or Speed Racer! WOOOOF!

October

Turns out it is a big PAIN to get paint out of sofas and uniforms. There weren’t many doughnuts in the house for a while after that. Never mind! WOOF!! There’s always a way to entertain yourself… if you’re the fastest dog in the world, like me.

The leaves are falling in the garden and it’s so MUCH fun just to whizzzz around after them. (I’m pretty sure I could catch them all if only I could stay out there long enough. Every time I turn around lickety-split there are MORE! FANTASTIC GAME! Problem is, it doesn’t half get cold in the evening and pretty soon my tail turns into a frosticle and the living room starts to look pretty nice - even if it doesn’t have any leaves for chasing. I like to flop down in front of a warm fire sometimes! Gives me more energy for later!)

Autumn is the best season, paws down. I LOVE Halloween. It’s the best time to take everyone up and down the road at super Streaker speed and collect SWEETS (and apples! Apples in water, for splashing! WOOF!!). Last year I went so fast I got pumpkins stuck on three of my feet and went headfirst into a creepy scarecrow in someone’s garden. OOPS.

I’ve been thinking about my costume for AGES (when I’m not catching five million leaves a minute in the garden, of course). It’s difficult to explain what sort of costume I’d like to everyone in the house. They don’t seem to understand that three short barks (RARF, RARF, WOOF like that) means HOT DOG PLEASE. Because I am a dog! And I travel at scorching speed! See - it’s brilliant.

I’m starting early because doing arts and crafts with paws is difficult (my paint and glitter adventures last month were FUN but I sneezed for AGES) . . .

Whups! Mum’s shouting – it’s dinner time. And it’s HOT DOGS! I’m going to RUN down there right now and use all my powers of mime to explain that when you’re as speedy as me there’s only one thing to be: a zipping, zooming dog - blazing like a comet! Wish me luck! WOOOOF!!

September

WOOF! Hi! How are you? I’m GRRREAT. Double great! Though I didn’t half get a scare just the other day . . .

I was running up and down the house (I don’t just mean up and down in one room, of COURSE, I mean running at super-Streaker-speed from the back door RIGHT up the stairs and into the bathroom, where I do an AMAZING twirl and then gallop back down to the back door in case something exciting happened in the garden, and then back upstairs in case something exciting happened in the bathroom – nothing much ever does except sometimes there’s someone in it and I have to do a MASSIVE brrrrrake or make a dog shaped hole in the door, and that doesn’t always work. Where was I?), and I noticed that there was something MISSING.

For a moment I couldn’t figure out what it was. I checked every room. Then I realised. TREVOR! Gone! I couldn’t believe it! I barked and barked and barked (because that usually makes people come running, even if they only want me to be quiet), but there was no-one about.

I decided to act fast (because I’m the fastest dog in the world) and make a MISSING: BOY, QUITE TALL, HAS DOUGHNUTS SOMETIMES, ANSWERS TO NAME OF TREVOR poster. I managed to get the cupboard with all the paints and glue open with my nose, but I got a bit stuck - literally! – with one paw in the red paint and one paw in blue and a very sneezy amount of glitter in my face.

Once I’d finished getting rid of MOST of the paint (on the sofa – nice one Mum, white is the best colour to show when you’ve got the paint off) and done a HUGE amount of sneezing, I heard the front door open and ran to tell whoever it was that Trevor was MISSING MISSING MISS- and of course it was Trevor himself in his SCHOOL UNIFORM!! That’s where he’d been all day. Cor!

I had to bowl him right over, WOOMPH. He seemed pretty pleased to see me, and I think purple paw prints will be the BEST possible thing to have on your school uniform this year. All up and down BOTH sides! Stylish!

Hang on a minute – here comes Mum with a bucket of water. Scramble! WOOOOOOOF!!!

August

The other day I was watching this programme about The Olympics so then I had a great idea to host my actual very own mini Olympics in the back garden. BONZA! Sadly Gary Linneker wasn’t available to report on it though... Raaaaargh!

The athletes competing were me and Trevor two-legs – no contest really!? - and the sports included the 100 metre sprint (No guesses who won THAT!), the round-and-round frisbee thingy-whatsit and then the specially very long jumpy thing.

The 100 metre sprint was a breeze. I ZOOOOOMED it around the garden. WHOOSH! In the bag. Then we went round and round and round with the flat round Frisbee-thingy until we were all a spin and let go! Whizz! I got caught in my tail unfortunately so Trevor won that one…

So we were all square as we went into the decider - The long jump thingy-me-jig. We made our starting line, we lined up behind. Trevor went first but he didn’t go very far. Only about as long as my practice run. HA HA the gold was mine! Then I started running up to my jump and phewy, I’m off the ground and the wind is whooshing my ears flat to my head. I’m going REALLY REALLY far. But hang on, what’s that? CLANG! I’d gone SO far I’d gone clean through the garden fence! Eeek, Trevor’s mum did not like that…

But hey, I’m still the all-time Olympic Champion of the Back Garden!

July

This week I got my foot caught in the drain pipe in the MIDDLE of the road. I really did! YIKES!

But a man in a white van heard my barking and came to yank me out. He pulled and he pulled but I was totally completely 100% never-coming-out-of-this-hole stuck! I’d been running at top speed you see and hadn’t seen the pipe. Luckily though, his friend in the van came to help and the two of them twisted and bent and plied - OW-WOW-WOW-WOW!!!!!! - until I was out.

The men from the van were dressed really strangely in orange and black jumpsuits but they did give me a bit of their sandwich. WHIZZO! But eeeeeurrrrrgh, I had to spit it ALL out. It was G-R-O-S-S! Who puts sweetcorn in a sandwich, I ask you!

Don’t worry though, I then ate 5 pizzas (with ham, pepperoni, onions, tomato AND cheeeeeeeeeese) all in one go.

And then I was sick.

June

I was thinking the other day that I would like to perform at the Royal Variety Show. So, it got me thinking… what would my special talent be??!! Of course I could zooooooom around the stage at 100-miles-an-hour OR what about eating a record-breaking amount of donuts!? Nobody’s done that before, right? HA HA! Now, any artiste will tell you you have to practice. And as I already know I’m the fastest dog in the WORLD I focused on donuts. Luckily Trevor’s mum had just been to the supermarket so the house was full of all kinds of donuts – with chocolate, with jam and sugar, and even with cinnamon (although these are the worst – too healthy! Gerumph!) Anyway, you get the picture, there were LOTS! Yummeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

When everyone had gone out, I got all the donuts together – roughly 50 million all together – and got started… The first 10 were easy and I wolfed them down in a minute. Chomp chomp chomp By the second 10, I was starting to think that I shouldn’t have had my breakfast before. By the third 10, my tummy looked like it had a balloon in it but I was still optimistic and by the fourth 10, I was slowing down a bit and feeling really sleepy so I thought I’d just have a quick power nap. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… OH NO! What’s that?! Trevor and his mum are home! And when they saw the mess, I used my most amazing talent of all and RAN as fast as fast can be. FWWOWWWWWWW!

Trevor’s mum was so angry though that I’ll have to wait until next year’s Royal Variety Show, which gives me a whole 12 months to practice eating lots MORE donuts…

May

I hope May is as good a month as April cause April is the bestest month in the world ever! Cause do you know what happens in April! The London marathon! Yep, that’s right. And guess who was running - no SPRINTING, no that’s still not right… ZOOOOMING - around the capital. STREEEEEEAAAAAKER, the 100-mile-an-hour dog, that’s who!

Paula Radcliffe had nothing on me! And I whizzed past the people dressed as clowns, I was nothing but a cloud of dust as I ran past the big birds, the giant chickens, the stage cows and, well, EVERYONE!

And now it’s only 11 months and 17 days until next year’s marathon and I think I might even set up my very own charity to run for next year. I know the best cause in the world. Yep, bingo! It’s ME! HA HA! And I know exactly what I’ll call my charity too. It will be Streaker’s 100-miles-an-hour Foundation: Blink and you’ll miss me! ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

April

It’s April Fool’s Day, right, so it goes without saying that I HAD to play a trick on Trevor. But what would I do? GERUMPH! I racked my brain for days and days and then… BINGO! Light bulbs flash, pennies drop, that’s it! I was going to put a fack plastic dog poo on his bed. Tee He He! I already had one you see from my last birthday, ha ha. So I creeped into his bedroom late at night when he was sleeping (and snoring!) and I was reeeeeeeaaaaaalllly quiet as I put the poo on the end of his bed.

So when Trevor woke up in the morning and saw the evidence, he screamed and screamed. Gross! He went up as near as he could, he smelt it… nothing! And then he got a fork and prodded, hang on, it’s rock hard! And then the pennies dropped… S-T-R-E-A-K-E-R!!!

But all he could see was me ZOOMING down the street at 100-miles-an-hour!

March

What a week! It started really really badly when I ran head first into a lamppost on Monday. BOOM! I swear it hadn’t been there on Sunday when I ran past at 100 miles-an-hour…

And then on Tuesday, I ate so many cheeseburgers that when Trevor saw me, he mistook me for a giant cheeseburger and he was almost going to eat me - GROSS! – but I barked quickly so he knew it was me. Phew!

By Wednesday, I was hungry again so I ate 5 million and 1 donuts. But don’t worry, I didn’t turn into one that time.

On Thursday, Trevor’s mum took me to the park for the fastest run ever and I met up with all my friends. One of them is quite good-looking but he knows it, with his slicked down fur coat and pointy ears. PLUS he’s a bit boring. YAWN!

And on Friday, I was so tired out by all the eating and running and I still had a silly headache from the lamppost that I curled up with my babies and before I knew it… zzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ

February

You’ll never believe what happened to me the other day! I was in the zoo with Trevor and was just eating the biggest, bestest slice of pizza EVER, with extra pepperoni on top of course, when the rotten security guard shouted at me that I wasn’t allowed. And only cause I wasn’t in the restaurant. Grrrrrrrrrr!

But little did he know he was talking to Streaker, the 100-Mile-an-Hour dog! Hah! I just picked up my pizza with my big gnashers – yes I did get some cheese on my nose (but don’t worry, I ate it later) – and I ran and ran. ZOOOOOOM! Poor old Trevor couldn’t keep up! And just when I was going to eat the pizza, a big flying whatsitcalled swooped in and grabbed the pizza from me. Then I barked and barked and barked – woof woof WOOF! Until Trevor found me and got me another even BIGGER slice of pizza and I swallowed it all at once so no flying pizza robber could steal it from me! Ow! HOT!

January

Mince pies aren’t quite as good as sausage rolls but they’re food, right? And Trevor’s mum bought a whole packet of them so I had to eat them all in one go. But don’t worry, now it’s January I’m on a diet. A diet of donuts of course. Yum!

Trevor’s gone back to school too and I tried to sneak onto the school bus with him but the stupid driver saw my cardboard box disguise and threw me off. He was the worst driver in the world anyway and I can go MUCH faster than his slow bus.

My new book is out now too so i'll be running at top speed around the whole country. Hopefully I’ll get to go to Buckingham Palace to meet the queen too but I wonder if I’ll like her silly dogs. One thing’s for sure - they DEFINITELY won’t run as fast as me!

December

I ate nine burger buns (with mustard, burger, lettuce, tomato AND mayonnaise all in one go. Then I was sick!

I had to have three stitches in my head. I was running at top speed and I crashed into a tree that wasn’t there. (Obviously it was there because I hit it, but I think it must have moved or something.)

I got my bum stuck in a washing machine. I did! The fire brigade had to get me out.

I dived off a bridge and into a river. To tell the truth I didn’t mean to do this. I guess I fell rather than dived. Anyway, I made the biggest splash EVER! If you are wondering WHY I did this it was because I thought I saw a pizza floating past and it looked rather tasty. In fact it wasn’t a pizza at all, it was a stupid bit of cardboard pretending to be a pizza. Grrrr!

Pheeeeew. It’s been a busy week!